Welp. I've never had New Year's Resolutions. I don't like to box myself into anything really. Because I just don't have that much discipline. But this year I started out the year thinking, but not knowing how, about being super positive. Like being the very best of Me. It's hard. Ya know?! One day you look at who you are and I guess I did a little inventory check and decided that there were some things that needed to be addressed. Now. Before I turn 60 and look back and I'm too far gone! Ha! I've always enjoyed the idea of reinventing oneself. I do it quite often. The way I dress, the art I like, music I listen to. It's good to have a mash up of all those styles and things out there but still keep the essence of who you are. But lately I've been thinking a lot about the way I used to be...like I'm talking about my 16 year old self. And I feel like I'm the same...but I'm not quite as fearless and I don't have super strong emotional attachments to the little things. I had a lot to prove back then people. I felt like I did at least. And although I was shy I felt empowered. I guess working different jobs and "trying" to grow up has taught me to follow the rules. Someone else's rules. And it feels weird. I'm about to graduate from school and start working in a salon. And I have a lot to learn and I'm excited about all of it. I'm excited about my new "work". The schedule, the interactions with clients and coworkers. Just all of it. But sometimes I wish I had that little gusto of my 16 year old self to propel me through the awkwardness that I sometimes feel when learning new things and being in new situations. I do feel a certain grace that I have come across but I still get super squirmy and not so confident feeling. Something that was not there at 16. But sometimes I think I try to hard to be nice and to please and I don't think for myself. It's like I just need to convince myself that it's okay! But I'm not sure how...not right now at least.
So anyway I started off the year watching a skateboarding documentary, Bones Brigade: An Autobiography, that came out in 2012. It was so cool to watch. It followed famous skaters from their start and reflected on how skating became popular. Just watching such passionate people. People that had soul and didn't much care if what they were doing was "cool" or "hip". Things that a lot of folks today are striving for. One of the skaters really stood out. Rodney Mullen, he kinda kept to himself and taught himself how to freestyle skate and was just so into what he was doing. He was reflecting about his passion and said you just have to keep that flame, that passion alive inside. Don't ever let it die out. It kinda struck me. I could relate a bit, I feel like an introvert most times. Like you could lock me away and I wouldn't even notice. For days. I've always thought it was a bad quality. But maybe that's just how I function. I think I retaught myself how to relate to people but in a way I think I need to figure out how to make it all work for me. And I think it's through compassion. I think I can be shy, I can internalize things but I have to also understand that everyone is on the same level in a way. Thinking about all of this makes me aware of the fact that I want to cultivate passion and soul in Mason and I see the same shy qualities in him. I want him to be successful no matter what personality type he is. I think he has such big and good things to share with the world. I'm in awe of his little being. I want him to possess confidence and have a sense of wonder and just know that he is loved. He is so awesome. And inspiring.
So after that documentary I watched a surf documentary 180 degrees South - Patagonia. It was also super inspiring and just made me think of the big world we live in. It was such a positive start to my year. And made me look within a bit. It made me think of intentions for my year.
So some things I would like to bring into my 2013 are:
Be a better listener (I get so excited sometimes I just interrupt and babble on, I'd like to slow that down a bit)
Find a skin care line and start using it regularly
Drink alcohol less
Drink more water!!!
Take care of myself (I beat myself up constantly)
Maintain a positive mental attitude (whew, gonna be tough)
Worry less (or none)
Grow a garden
Be more open
Give my opinion less (yes I think I'm always right...a lot and it's not always a good thing)
Start an "Intention" bowl - filled with scraps with a word written on them - choose one each day and work to focus on that intention - like cheerfulness for example
Enroll in a regular Yoga class in the mornings
Get up early each day
Focus on giving
Okay so the plan is to revisit this in a few months and give updates on progress, new thoughts - all that jazz.
As always thanks for checking me out. Cheers!