We went for a nice walk in the Croatan Forest this weekend. Perfect weather, perfect time of day for the sun to shine down through the trees and make everything a thousand times more beautiful. I ran a while. I felt quiet. I needed some grounding. Being enveloped in the tall trees felt good. Exploring felt good. Having a walking stick and investigating patches of moss felt good. Lung fulls of fresh air felt satisfying. As we left I saw these cocoons on a small plant in the middle of the path. My first instinct after seeing them balancing so precariously on this tender, tiny plant was to grab for them, pluck them off. I walked right by. Not touching them or even stopping to get a closer look. I didn't mean them any true ill will it was kind of like kicking a pine cone as you walk. But seeing nature as it was that vulnerable sitting there open to whatever comes right by created a feeling of openness in me. It reminded me that we must remain open and unprotected to grow. We must take the good and the bad. We must be vulnerable and let nature take its course. We must not try to hold all the answers to the world's and others' problems. Sometimes we just don't know why and we need to be open in case clarity finds us and gives us some answers. I think I've thought I've known a lot for a long time. But realizing I may not and being open takes a lot of weight off of my mind and heart. It's okay to just be. Peace.

- Cheers and thanks for checking me out!


Setting Intentions for 2013


Welp.  I've never had New Year's Resolutions.  I don't like to box myself into anything really.  Because I just don't have that much discipline.  But this year I started out the year thinking, but not knowing how, about being super positive.  Like being the very best of Me.  It's hard.  Ya know?!  One day you look at who you are and I guess I did a little inventory check and decided that there were some things that needed to be addressed.  Now.  Before I turn 60 and look back and I'm too far gone!  Ha!  I've always enjoyed the idea of reinventing oneself.  I do it quite often.  The way I dress, the art I like, music I listen to.  It's good to have a mash up of all those styles and things out there but still keep the essence of who you are.   But lately I've been thinking a lot about the way I used to be...like I'm talking about my 16 year old self.  And I feel like I'm the same...but I'm not quite as fearless and I don't have super strong emotional attachments to the little things.  I had a lot to prove back then people.  I felt like I did at least.  And although I was shy I felt empowered.  I guess working different jobs and "trying" to grow up has taught me to follow the rules.  Someone else's rules.  And it feels weird.  I'm about to graduate from school and start working in a salon.  And I have a lot to learn and I'm excited about all of it.  I'm excited about my new "work".  The schedule, the interactions with clients and coworkers.  Just all of it.  But sometimes I wish I had that little gusto of my 16 year old self to propel me through the awkwardness that I sometimes feel when learning new things and being in new situations.  I do feel a certain grace that I have come across but I still get super squirmy and not so confident feeling.  Something that was not there at 16.  But sometimes I think I try to hard to be nice and to please and I don't think for myself.  It's like I just need to convince myself that it's okay!  But I'm not sure how...not right now at least.

So anyway I started off the year watching a skateboarding documentary, Bones Brigade: An Autobiography, that came out in 2012.  It was so cool to watch.  It followed famous skaters from their start and reflected on how skating became popular.  Just watching such passionate people.  People that had soul and didn't much care if what they were doing was "cool" or "hip".  Things that a lot of folks today are striving for.  One of the skaters really stood out.  Rodney Mullen, he kinda kept to himself and taught himself how to freestyle skate and was just so into what he was doing.  He was reflecting about his passion and said you just have to keep that flame, that passion alive inside.  Don't ever let it die out.  It kinda struck me.  I could relate a bit, I feel like an introvert most times.  Like you could lock me away and I wouldn't even notice.  For days.  I've always thought it was a bad quality.  But maybe that's just how I function.  I think I retaught myself how to relate to people but in a way I think I need to figure out how to make it all work for me.  And I think it's through compassion.  I think I can be shy, I can internalize things but I have to also understand that everyone is on the same level in a way.  Thinking about all of this makes me aware of the fact that I want to cultivate passion and soul in Mason and I see the same shy qualities in him.  I want him to be successful no matter what personality type he is.  I think he has such big and good things to share with the world.  I'm in awe of his little being.  I want him to possess confidence and have a sense of wonder and just know that he is loved.  He is so awesome.  And inspiring.

So after that documentary I watched a surf documentary 180 degrees South - Patagonia.  It was also super inspiring and just made me think of the big world we live in.  It was such a positive start to my year.  And made me look within a bit.  It made me think of intentions for my year.

So some things I would like to bring into my 2013 are:

Read more
Be a better listener (I get so excited sometimes I just interrupt and babble on, I'd like to slow that down a bit)
Waste less
Spend less
Eat healthy
Find a skin care line and start using it regularly
Get outside!
Drink alcohol less
Drink more water!!!
Take care of myself (I beat myself up constantly)
Maintain a positive mental attitude (whew, gonna be tough)
Worry less (or none)
Grow a garden
Be more open
Give my opinion less (yes I think I'm always right...a lot and it's not always a good thing)
Start an "Intention" bowl - filled with scraps with a word written on them - choose one each day and work to focus on that intention - like cheerfulness for example
Enroll in a regular Yoga class in the mornings
Get up early each day
Focus on giving

Okay so the plan is to revisit this in a few months and give updates on progress, new thoughts - all that jazz.

As always thanks for checking me out. Cheers!


Go Into Yourself

“Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write.

This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple “I must,” then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your whole life, even into its humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse. Then come close to Nature. Then, as if no one had ever tried before, try to say what you see and feel and love and lose...

...Describe your sorrows and desires, the thoughts that pass through your mind and your belief in some kind of beauty - describe all these with heartfelt, silent, humble sincerity and, when you express yourself, use the Things around you, the images from your dreams, and the objects that you remember. If your everyday life seems poor, don’t blame it; blame yourself; admit to yourself that you are not enough of a poet to call forth its riches; because for the creator there is not poverty and no poor, indifferent place. And even if you found yourself in some prison, whose walls let in none of the world’s sounds – wouldn’t you still have your childhood, that jewel beyond all price, that treasure house of memories? Turn your attentions to it. Try to raise up the sunken feelings of this enormous past; your personality will grow stronger, your solitude will expand and become a place where you can live in the twilight, where the noise of other people passes by, far in the distance. - And if out of this turning-within, out of this immersion in your own world, poems come, then you will not think of asking anyone whether they are good or not. Nor will you try to interest magazines in these works: for you will see them as your dear natural possession, a piece of your life, a voice from it. A work of art is good if it has arisen out of necessity. That is the only way one can judge it.”

Rainer Maria Rilke

- Cheers and thanks for checking me out!


The Fun You Have is The Fun You Make

Had a nice visit from "Banana" this weekend! Enjoyed the playground and some yummy yogurt treats.

- Cheers and thanks for checking me out!
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